fifteen

Alice’s father had wanted to wait until it was fully dark before attempting to drive home. Normally he was keen to escape as soon as he could, but today he felt that he could tolerate his mother-in-law for a few hours more if it enhanced the chances of his naked daughter remaining unseen. An added bonus was the amusing sound of his wife being scolded for not being charitable and remaining clothed. But the mid summer light was refusing to fade and Alice’s mother was tiring of the criticism. She kept glaring at her husband who was pointedly ignoring her gaze.

Eventually the issue was settled by Alice herself, who said politely that perhaps it was time to leave, thanked her grandmother, kissed her on the cheek and headed to the front door. This galvanised her father into action. Ordering Alice to stay put he raced out into the street and reversed the car as close to the door as possible. Her family then formed a screen so Alice could get into the car unnoticed.

Normally the return home took about ten minutes, but her father had planned a more circuitous route around the edge of the town. This avoided any traffic lights so reducing the chance of any passers by catching a glimpse of his bare passenger. All went to plan until, about a quarter of mile from home, the car’s engine gave a quiet cough and then with no further ado cut out. It glided to a stop next to a grassy verge. All was silent but for the sound of distant traffic. For a moment nobody spoke, and then pandemonium broke loose.

“Useless, bloody machine” shouted Alice’s father thumping the steering wheel.

“I’ve told you this car was too old, but would you listen, oh no” screamed her mother.

“What if a car stops to gives a hand?” said Greg

There was silence again while Alice’s parents digested this.

Her father turned around, “Alice, get some clothes on” he told her sharply.

“I haven’t got any” she said

“Oh yes you have” said her mother, “I’ve put some in the boot. Just in case” She sounded enormously pleased with herself.

“Well I’m not putting them on”

“Alice, don’t be so stupid, this is an emergency”

“No”

“Alice the car has broken down, someone may come along at any moment.”

“I don’t care, I’m not getting dressed” she said stubbornly

Alice’s father was becoming increasingly impatient. “Listen young lady, it’s no longer a joke”

“I know that Dad, but if I get dressed now I will have spent most of the day in the nude for nothing”

“No one else will know”

“And what if the somebody who comes along is one of my sponsors” she said.

Greg broke into the conversation.

“I know where we are, there’s Badger’s Path” He pointed towards a gap in the trees. “We could walk along there and be home in five minutes”

“Excellent” said their mother, “Alice, get your clothes on and we’ll quickly nip home. No one will see us”

“If no one will see us then I won’t need to put on any clothes” replied Alice with impeccable logic.

“What if there is someone on the path?” asked her mother.

“Well it’s nearly dark so they won’t notice I’m in my birthday suit until we are right up to them. So, if we see anyone coming I’ll have plenty of time to duck into the cornfield.”

“Look” said her exasperated father, “the longer we sit here the more likely someone is to stop and ask us if something is wrong”

To prevent further argument, Alice checked the road behind was clear, got out of the car and ran for the trees. The ever attentive Greg sprinted after her to check the path was clear. He quickly passed Alice who had stopped in the shadow of the trees where she waited, almost invisible, for the rest of her family

“Just wait there” commanded her father as he locked the car. “Alice in the middle.” He ordered as the family nervously began their way along the path. They were nearly there when the unthinkable happened. Ahead in the gloom, they could make out two figures and a dog coming towards them. Their voices carried in the still evening air

“Oh my God” hissed Alice’s mother in a loud whisper “I knew this would happen, “quick Alice into the field”

Alive to the possibility Alice had already slipped across the dry shallow ditch into the cornfield, and like a modern day Minnehaha started to move through the ripening crop. She felt the husks against her bare waist, the stalks brushing against her legs. It was truly magical and she thought herself invisible as she made her silent way through the corn.

“Ayeee” she screamed, breaking the spell. Something cold had just touched her bare bottom. She fell over with a crash crumpling the corn. She looked up to see her neighbours’ dog Pilot standing over her, tail wagging.

“He started to bark. “Woof, woof”

“Shh, shh” pleaded Alice. Then she heard her neighbour Ted shouting “Here Pilot, what have you found, a rabbit”

Some rabbit though Alice.

She heard the resignation in her mother’s voice “No it’s Alice”

“Alice, what is she doing in the field?”

Then Janice, Ted’s wife spoke. “I thought she was doing that nude charity thing.”

“She is, that’s why she is in the field”

“Oh, er right” said Ted, “we’d better get on our way then. Here Pilot”

But Pilot wasn’t coming; he was too busy licking Alice

Alice had had enough. She climbed to her feet and walked back to the path.

“Hi Ted,” she said “hi Janice, thanks for sponsoring me”

Despite the fading light Alice could see Ted’s eyes nearly popping out of his head. He quickly looked away. Janice stared at her, “I had thought it was a joke, but I can see now…….”

“Our car broke down on the way back from Nan’s” she continued brightly, “We thought we could sneak back with nobody noticing. Perhaps if you walked back with us everyone could surround me so I could cross the road unseen. She smiled sweetly.

“Oh, er yes of course” mumbled Ted “I’ll walk on in front with Pilot”

And so screened from public view Alice walked the final few yards to her front door.

“I’ll go back to the car now” said her father, in an attempt to avoid his wife’s ire.

“I’ll come and lend a hand” volunteered Ted.

“Won’t you come in and have a cup of tea” Alice’s mother asked Janice, “as long as you don’t mind my naked daughter!”

“It’s not me you should ask” said Janice. “How does Alice feel about it?”

Before Alice could express an opinion her mother said “Don’t worry about her she’s been naked all day”

Alice shrugged, it was true. Up until now Alice had been half hidden by the darkness. Her brother snapped the light on and suddenly all eyes were on her. She had never had so many people stare at her as today, but then she had never paraded around stark naked before.

“I think, Alice you should go and have a shower” said her mother.

Alice sniffed herself, she smelt of dog. Then she looked down at her bare body. The evidence of her encounter with the cornfield was written all over her skin.

She scooted upstairs to the bathroom.